Music Challenge - Day 32: A Song That Reminds You of Your Crush

I’m not crushing on anyone anymore but this song reminds me of my last crush. I called her “The Exception”. I wrote a blog about it before. I’m kind of bogus for associating this song with her because it’s more of a Karma song. I can’t help it though, she is who I think of when it I hear it though.  

Music Challenge - Day 31: What Would Be Your Fight Song If You Were a Boxer

World’s Most Hated by Yukmouth. Just in that kind of mood right now so I figured this would be a good song before I got in the ring to put the dukes on somebody. Plus Yukmouth is one of my favorite artist. I mean, all that mob talk is played out but he got spits.

On that note

“I'm try'na live one time shine (why can't a nigga ball like y'all
With platinum plaques on my wall?)
But y'all niggaz platinum, what's mine? (they
don't wanna nigga to shine at all
They wish a young nigga would fall)
'Cause I'm the world's most hated, world's most hated
world's most hated nigga, nigga”

No Respect

Just when I thought I had it together and on my shit, I’m hit with a reality check. Don’t get me wrong, I welcome these reality checks especially if it’s going to help me become a better person. This reality check made me feel kind of low and bum-like. It’s just downright a degrading feeling.

My reality check that was an ugly truth is that I’ve been disrespecting myself. WHAT? When it hit me, I didn’t feel right acknowledging it because I couldn’t see myself doing that to myself. Disrespect to me is like saying, you’re  nobody. How could I do that to ME?

Usually when I’m hit with a reality check, I fall back to assess the “Shituation” after I go through the motions. Sometimes I spend too much time focused on what others are doing instead of worrying about what I am doing. There’s some things that I believe in like “don’t blame others for your issues or problems” and “don’t expect anything from anybody”.   At the end of the day, that’s how I feel but during the day, I sometimes lose focus.

When I like someone, as a person, I will not do anything to disrespect them intentionally. Of course I may do something they don’t like but I’d have to be provoked to carelessly start disrespecting. I can’t speak for others and how they may carry themselves. If someone disrespects me that’s one thing but if someone disrespects me more than once after it was brought to the light that I don’t like to be treated that way, that’s something else. To me, not only is that person disrespecting me but if I continue to allow this, I’m disrespecting myself.

I can’t function right knowing and allowing myself to disrespect myself. This problem has been addressed, as you can see and will be dealt with. As far as the person(s) doing the disrespect, who am I kidding thinking I can change someone. Maybe one day they will be able to look in the mirror as I did and realize something is not right. I’ve been saying “the truth hurts worse when you’re living a lie”. It sure does and the longer you live that lie, the more denial and/or pain you will feel. I don't feel it’s a karma thing at all. It’s just something that I’ve had to deal with in my past so I know what it can be like to lie to oneself.  

Getting It Out the Way pt 2

During my Junior year in High School, a very memorable school year in my life, I was talking to this chick that wrote in a Journal. I’d see her carrying it around with her and writing in it from time to time. I even asked if I could read it and of course, she said NO.

After about 3 weeks of talking to her, she dissed me like a mug. Around Valentine’s Day, I started my own journal were I just vented out what I was thinking/feeling about what she did. I still write in a journal today.

Shawanda Dean, I’d like to thank you. If you hadn’t been writing in a journal, I might not have started writing in one.

While I was working at the County Nursing Home, I meet some interesting people there. There was this one specific person that showed me something that didn’t really hit me until last year. This woman had some type of disability. I remember days when she would run around like a chicken with its head cut off. I’d try to calm her down but she wasn’t trying to hear me at all. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, she would have to set up the dining room on her own. I use to tell her that she was in charged and I had faith in her. She had her crazy moments but she made it happen and eventually, it didn’t appear to be so tough for her to handle.

This woman use to work at Mc Donalds so I’d say something like, bring me a Whooper from there. I’d say silly stuff all the time just trying to have fun in the workplace. She eventually offered me money to go get a burger. I was shocked but declined the offer.

The last time I saw her was the day I got laid off from the County. I’d asked my old co-workers about her from time to time. She and another co-worker had asked if I wanted to go out to lunch but I had to work that day so I didn’t go.

This past August, she passed away. She had been fighting brain cancer for a long while. She was on my mind a lot after that. What I didn’t realize at the time we were working together was how strong she really was. Fighting cancer and still going to work and getting the job done. She made me realize that I could be in worse shape, I got it easy so there’s no excuses for why I can’t do whatever it is that I want to do.

Those thoughts literally helped with breaking my procrastination for a while. I hate that something bad has to happen for me to realize something but sometimes that’s just how things work out.

R.I.P. Jennifer Smith, I'll always remember you as that Lil Trooper.

30 Day Music Challenge - Day 30: Your Favorite Song From This Time Last Year

I really don’t remember what I was listening to this time last year? I know this song was out and I was feeling it so I guess I was listening to this. 

I made it through the 30 Day Music Challenge and didn’t miss a beat. I’m going to continue to come with different music challenges for another 30 days. Is there any music challenges you would like to see? Just let me know and I’ll add it in.