Anti-Relationshipism pt 2 - In The Mirror

When I get to talking about relationships, I sound bitter all the time. Of course I’ve been in sour relationships and felt some pain from how things were going or went. At the time it was some straight grade A B.S. but today, I see it more as experience. Usually I spend more time talking about what I see other people doing but there’s another side to my Anti-Relationshipism that I’m very aware of. That other side is ME. My shit stinks too I feel like if I can’t be real with myself, how am I going to real with others?

When I was a kid, there were days that I’d get so bored that it felt like there was nothing I could do that would make me happy. Today, I get what I call “bored out”, it’s the same feeling that I felt when I was a kid. Basically, I got bored and just get the feeling that I don’t want to do anything or be around anybody. When I get that way, people don’t try to understand where I’m coming from. It’s like Monica’s song , “Don’t Take it Personal” but some do. They take it as I’m on some b.s. or hiding something and they get all emotional on me when it’s not even like that. Which leads me to another issue..

The issue of dealing with females’ emotions. I don’t feel like I have to feel the same way about things as she does. I can get defensive than a mug and come up with some reasons of my own for not doing something or doing something. I like to put things in “Elementary School” terms sometimes. Say simple stuff like, it’s apples and oranges. Everybody don’t like both or either. Some people like apples and not oranges, some people like oranges and not apples. We don’t seem to have a problem with that so why can’t it be ok that I don’t feel the same as you? Two people don’t have to feel the same way for each other for it to work. I’m not saying that one person who is in love and the other only sees you as a classmate that it will work but who knows? Over time, things seem to happen, like change, that’s life. It happens all around use, all the time, every day. That person who used to eat apples all the time might give them up and start eating oranges. That’s logic to me.

I mean, my logic seems to be a problem and maybe it is. The whole apples and oranges with relationships might be silly to some but I can’t seem to see it as silly. I spent a lot of time saying that people want what they want and if they don’t get it, they leave. It’s true and I’m the same way, except I’m not so quick to leave. Here again, my logic comes into play and I’ve been told, that’s not how it works. Let’s say if I were wanting a relationship but this person doesn’t want that. She only wants to be friends. We have good conversations, a good time when we’re around each, just overall we click. I let her know how I felt about her and she backs away but not out of my life. Things aren’t the same but she’s still a good person to me. I wouldn’t cut her off. A “good person” is hard to come by. I can’t see myself cutting her off unless she is dating everybody else and ends up in a relationship with someone else while I have those strong feelings. That’s just me.

I like my space. I like to come and go as I please. I mean, I left the nest and work(ed) many hours to earn that. I don’t like to be restrained. I like doing what I want to do. I’ve always been that way. Even when I was kid, I hated when I couldn’t do something because my Mom said I couldn’t or I was too young or whatever reason. Now that I’m older and working to have my own, why would I want someone coming in trying to change that?  I’m not willing to change that. It’s selfish and I know. I usually leave it at that to see if a person is paying attention and where they head is. I’ll explain another time.

I don’t express my emotions like some might or how some might feel I’m supposed to. I’m not into all the mushy stuff. I like to see it more than I want to hear it.

Last but not least, I have serious trust issues. It’s not really hard to tell. I believe in “actions speak louder than words”. That’s a pretty deep line and you have to have a good understanding of it before you try to use it, anywho. When a person tells me they are going to do something, especially when it has something to do with me and they don’t do it, it messes with my trust issues. Not only that but it’s a pet peeve on mine too. It makes it hard to count on a person when they don’t do what they say. I don’t want to put my heart, let alone, my life in that person hands.

Until next time,

“think about it before you react to it”

…to be continued…

Anti-Relationism - The Blog

This has been a long time coming. Still sitting on my ledge watching the game and the players in it. All I can do is shake my damn head at what I’ve been seeing. I’m still not impressed with the whole “RELATIONSHIP” thing I hear so much about. Honestly, I’m so damn confused with all the stuff I’ve saw, heard and thought a relationship was supposed to be about that I just don’t want to have anything to do with one right now.

Before I even get into this, if the shoe fits wear it. If it doesn’t and you get upset about this, then you probably need a bigger size shoe or a better prescription for your mental glasses.

*deep breath*

I can’t remember when I wrote about the Current State of Relationships but it’s still MUTHA fucked up to the max. I mean, it’s just plain flat out right coo coo for cocoa puffs. Mugs are too damn selfish for one, too greedy, too proud, too uneducated, too unrealistic, too nuts, too much baggage, just too fucked up in the head to stop and think about it for a minute.

Seriously, don’t you want stability in a relationship? Ain’t stability something like knowing where you stand? Something like job security? Well, the rules in a relationship aren’t in stone or something that was written and documented in some book back in B.C. times. Just because your Grandparents were married for 60 years don’t mean you will be. It also doesn’t mean that’s how “long” a relationship will last. Were you there for those 60 years that your Grandparents were married? I mean, were you like a fly on the wall and saw what really was going on in their marriage? Probably not, that’s where the uneducated and unrealistic part comes in. NEVER judge a book be its cover. This is 2011(2012), we don’t live one lane lives like they did back then. They did what they were told, we do what we want.

Back to stability, I got a good one for you ladies and gentleman that like stability so much. From what I’ve experienced, haha, this is the part where mugs will start to get upset with me. (if they even read this) Stability is like a constant. Like when someone tells you “where you stand”. That label gives you that stability you want. Answer this, how can you want stability but yet be unstable within yourself? Example, friends with benefits, someone tells you they are content with being your friend with benefits. To me that sounds like everything is cool but weeks later, usually in a month or so, they all of sudden flip the script. Now they aren’t content anymore. NOW that stability is gone. They want more and start giving ultimatums or acting funny as hell. Where’s that stability that you want so bad yet can’t give? Greed, selfishness and ungrateful plays a big role in this situation. Why does a label make someone feel so stable when there aren’t any rules in stone?

Boy I tell ya.

I’m not even done yet.  We are all selfish but there are different levels to it. You want what you want and that’s what you look for in people to determine if you want more or if you even want to keep dealing with someone. Ain’t that how it works? As soon as someone stops giving you what you want, you dip. I’ve saw it so many times. I’ve even been belittled. Called gay, lame, “what a flake“, etc. What the hell does “flake” mean anyway. Who wants to be with someone that always wants to have it their way or nothing? As soon as you stop giving, they leave?

If you can’t handle being friends with someone, it’s not possible to handle being in a relationship with that person either. That’s kind of general but that’s how I see it. I believe in friends first and if you don’t have that friendship going into a relationship, what will you have?? Probably a damn mess sooner or later.

What’s up with all these people not having shit but wanting someone that has something going for themselves? They are trying to get someone to take care of them so they can sit on their stanking ass. If I wanted to take care of someone, I’d have kids. Not a lazy ass adult.

For those that misunderstand me and for some reason, get my words all twisted up. I’m not against relationships, I’m just not feeling the people out here fucking the game up when it comes to relationships. I believe that relationships can work. I just don’t believe that the stuff I’ve mentioned that I’ve saw others doing will make a relationship work. I don’t want to be accepted because you don’t have anything or anyone else. I don’t want your company cause you’re lonely. I want people around me that WANT to be around me because they like who I am and like being around me. I’m patient when it comes to this relationship shit. I know that when you first start hanging around someone, it’s usually exciting and that I should wait to see where it should go because I don’t have enough to go off of. I also know that our past relationships say a lot about us as an individual now. Example, a chick tells you that her past relationships were abusive and she was cheated on many times but stayed in the relationship until they either couldn’t stand it or he left. That’s not a good sign. Just because you left that bad situation that you put up with for years doesn’t mean your head is in the right place now. Step ya game up.

Stop putting yourselves in situations that you know you can’t handle like fucking someone without confirming they are interested in you for a relationship. Situations like catching feelings for someone that is already in a relationship. Stop pressuring people to do what you want them to do, that shit’s a turn off. Stop telling me how you feel about me then cutting me off like it’s nothing. Leave me the hell alone about the whole relationship shit. When it’s my time to get in one, I will if that‘s what I feel like doing. For your info, I haven’t passed up shit and/or missed shit. I could care less about ex relationships and people that have left my life. If I am “supposed to be” with someone that ain’t here, it WILL HAPPEN when it’s time. Not because I want it or because you say so. You can’t force a square piece into an oval slot, we learned that in pre-school.

*exhale*

To be continued…