I'm On My Level

About a week before Labor Day, last year, I started getting these really bad pains. One day it was a headache then it turned into something like a neck ache. The pain was in the back of the neck and moved from there into my left shoulder. This went on for a couples days. I figured it was from sleeping wrong but sleeping wrong never hurt that long.

The Thursday night before labor day, I was on my night shift sleep schedule and went to sleep that afternoon and got up around 9 something. My shoulder was still hurting but not as bad. The first thing I did after I got up was start straighten up the kitchen. I usually feel pretty good when I know I’m off work. It was the beginning of a long needed 4 day weekend. Anywho, I decided to take some headache/pain pills that I bought a while back.

I popped the pills, left the kitchen unfinished and got on the computer. Probably checking out Fakebook. A little while after that, I noticed that I was back in the kitchen straighten up some more. A few hours later, I’d forgot all about my pains and had been cleaning up. Moving stuff around, dusting, etc. About halfway through the night, I realized that I had actually been cleaning like a mug.

I was up all night cleaning and just making things happen. About 8 or 9 hours later, started to feel the pain again so I popped more pills and kept going. I was up from Thursday night until Saturday night.

Slept some that Saturday night then was up again until Monday afternoon. Got a whole lot of stuff that I had been wanting to do forever done that weekend.

Took those pills for about a good month just to feel that high it gave me. Now, I kind of know what a person feels like that actually is addicted to meds. The feeling was amazing. Whatever it was doing to me, it was just enough for me to stop over thinking and not moving when something crossed my mind instead I got up and made it happen.

Even my mentality was different. I was more positive. Everything that was going on in my life that bothered me before, I could see it differently. I found was to cope with it things especially if I had to deal with it. The only two bad things were I was spending a lot more money and one day, those pills messed my tummy up. That was the last day I took one plus I had already been feeling like I needed to stop taking them because I didn’t want to feel like I was counting on them.  

What’s crazy is, I saw a movie called Limitless during this time and it reminded me of my situation, sort of. The stuff he had in the movie was better but the side effect was wicked.

Fast Forward to New Years, hadn’t touched those pills but still felt that high. Although, was staying up all night anymore, I was still getting things done. I had been waiting to get that feeling for a long long long time.

Since New Years, I’ve lost all that feeling. Started procrastinating again and went back to feeling similar to the way I did before I got that high. The good thing is that things look different anymore. Well, maybe not different but I’m perceiving things differently. I feel like I’m drained but at the same time, just waiting for that right moment to get things cracking again.  

I haven’t taken those pills since but I’ve been tempted to. Especially when I’m sitting around being lazy as hell knowing I have things that need to be done.

I had never felt anything like that feeling before in my adult life. I hope to get the feeling back soon. I was floating, one day I will learn to fly. I’m on my level.